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Birthday Jokes

Birthdays have created some of the best jokes, quotes and sayings. So, sit back and get ready to chuckle at some of the funniest birthday jokes on Earth. Remember, laughter IS the best medicine!

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once!

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and always lie about your age.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A birthday is just the first day of another 365 day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!

You were born an original. Don't die a copy.

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."

Where would you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that's not eaten.

Q. Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?
A. No, they both burn shorter!

Q. Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling crumby!

Q. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A. Angel food cake!

What did one candle say to the other?
"Don't birthdays burn you up?"

Q: What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!
Here's another one of those great birthday jokes:

When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don't know", she said. "Just give me something with diamonds". That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

If there are 23 people in a room, there's a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Q. What was the average age of a cave man?
A. Stone Age!

That's All Folks!